I Stumbled...

But I did not fall. Let me tell you story that may disappoint you. I find the story itself fun to write, and the lesson an important one.

As everyone knows, I spent 2005 high on meth. It's been a long time since I've partaken, but I have never denied that if someone would offer, I probably would. I wouldn't say that I get up every day and think about finding it, but it does cross my mind from time to time. One of the myriad of benefits in moving to New Jersey was not knowing where to get it. Sure, you can find ads online, or talk to people who "party," but it's tough to start that conversation, believe me.

Yesterday, I had that conversation. A guy said he had some, and he would sell it to me. I hit paydirt, if you will. He told me to meet him at 3rd Ave and 55th St in Manhattan at 1:45. I got on the train, and went into Manhattan, arriving about 30 minutes early. There was a Barnes and Noble on the corner, so I went in. I had to buy "The Purpose Driven Life" for my growth group at church, so I did. You can debate the irony of that later.

I went back out into the pouring rain and down the street to the appointed meeting place and waited for this guy to show up. About five minutes after we were supposed to meet, he called me and said he was approaching and that he was wearing a green and grey jacket. I waited another five minutes before I saw him walk past me, catching my eye. I began to follow him, not quite sure what I should be doing. He crossed the street, walked up the block, back across the street, down another block and vanished. I stood and waited for him to come back or call me and he finally did.

*Ring* "Dude, you look like a cop. I walked past you three times and I think you're a cop."

I wasn't sure whether to be offended or honored. I told him I wasn't a cop, and he said, "OK, walk over to 2nd Ave and 53rd St. Wait for me at the pay phone" As I walked to that corner, flip flops soaked with rain, squeaking the whole way, I thought this sure seeems a lot like Spy Vs. Spy or Mission Impossible. He came up to me and motioned for me to follow him. As we started walking he said, "I just wanted to make sure you weren't a cop. The stuff is on top of the pay phone over here." We walked past another pay phone, and he asked if I saw it. It wasn't until then that I realized what he was talking about, so I told him I had missed it. He said, "No one is using that phone, so just slip me the money and go back and get it."

I relized that I hadn't put enough money in my pocket and it might look weird if I pulled out my wallet, so I told him said I would duck into Walgreens and put the money in my front pocket. He said he would wait outside. When I walked back outside, not three minutes later, he was gone. I walked back up to the pay phone, and sure enough, there was a bag on top of the phone. I slipped it into my pocket and my phone rang.

*Ring* "Dude, what's going on? I think you're a cop. You don't have your sh*t together. You didn't have the money ready. You wanted to go to Walgreens."

Once again, I explained that I wasn't a cop, and he told me to go back to the phone at 2nd and 53rd. I went. And waited.

*Ring* "Dude, where are you now? I'm not going around again with you on this. I see under cover cops everywhere."

I told him I was waiting where he told me to, and that if there were undercover cops, I didn't know about it. (Apparently, they were doing well not blowing their cover to me.) He told me we would try this one more time. Go to Madison Ave and 55th. Wait there. I sloshed another 2 blocks over and 2 blocks up to wait. And wait. And wait. I only thought that I didn't want to get shot because I got the stuff, but hadn't paid, so I waited some more. Finally, I had enough. I went home. All the way back to Jersey City.

When I got home, I dug in my pocket and pulled out a bag of...little plastic beads! I breathed a sigh and thought, "Well, I didn't get any Tina, but I also didn't lose any money. Whew!" I sent him an email, just saying that I didn't mean to make him nervous, but I guess it just didn't work out. My phone rang.

*Ring* "Dude, I was nervous. I thought you were a cop, but now I think you're cool. Do you want to come back? I have the product."

I told him that I did want some, but if it was too much of a hassle for him, I would let it go. He said to meet him at Madison Ave and 34th St. in 45 minutes. I wasn't sure I could make it in that time, but I sure gave it everything I had. I beat the clock and he was standing across the street. I crossed to him and we started walking. I slipped him the money and he slipped me a baggie. We parted ways and I ducked into a Chinese restaurant and asked to use the restroom. When I went in, I dug into my pocket again and pulled out a bag of the most beautiful and pure....little plastic beads! I threw them into the trash can and headed back to the train.

Just before I got to the station, my phone rang.

*Ring* "Dude, we're good, right?"
"No, we aren't good, but I guess I got taken."
"What did you say?"
"I said, you gave me nothing. Sh*t. Plastic."
"Excuse me? What?"
"You gave me crap. It's worthless."
"Where are you? I'll come back and return your money."
"No, it's good. We're good."
"Where are you? I'll return your money. I don't work that way."
"No thanks, I'm going back to New Jersey. You do work that way. Have a nice day."
Click. He hung up on me.

Of course, my first reaction was irritation at being strung along for two or three hours only to be taken. This morning when I got up, I realized that there is clearly something bigger than me at work here. Since I've been in New Jersey and attending the Journey Church, one of the most frequent messages I've heard is that of financial responsibility and by extension-success. God and everybody knows that money has never been a strong point with me. I think that God gave me several opportunities to turn around-do what I know is right. I chose not to. Finally, He said, "You want to give your money away, go ahead, but I'm not gonna let you screw up. I've brought you this far, and I'm not letting you fall backward." I heard. I'm listening.

In the words of a friend's wise sister, I'm gonna read books and stay away from boys. (That was slightly paraphrased.)

I'm not really sure how to end this story, except to wait and see. See the comments, see the questions, see the response.