A Detailed Account of a Short Security Career (Part One)

In late September, I made a mistake at work.  Let's just say I took a loan from the store and forgot to sign the loan papers.  When Pam, the store manager, found out, she did what she had to do.  It was reported up the chain and I was fired.  A few notes about this.  First, I do not,  nor ever have blamed Pam for my losing my job.  She had her own procedures to follow. And second, I was about ready to leave the company anyway.  I just didn't plan on such a magnificent flame-out.  Who has time for applications and interviews when you have a full-time job?  As soon as I was suspended, I knew I would not be asked back, so I went home and began trolling Craigslist for a new job, career, opportunity....something.  As usual, I was open to anything-including NYC Taxi Driver.

I responded to an ad for customer service.  I really believe, at age 41, that that is my lifeblood.  I love to work with people, and see how I can help them.  I love to hear "You made my day."  I received a phone call the following day saying to come to the City for an interview and to bring my ID, Social Security card, and $80 for customer service classes.  I thought that was odd, but I went.  I entered a non-descript building on West 37th Street and went to the (unmarked) 12th floor.  I noticed rows of folding chairs, people who looked like they had been waiting for days, and a flurry of activity by the people behind the desk.  There were posters and notices all over the room for security careers, both armed and unarmed guards.  Most noticeably though, where the signs stating, "If you think we are a scam, please leave now.  Do not waste our time or yours."  If ever there was a unique way to welcome someone, this would be it.

I was greeted in a short amount of time by a rather large man named McSomething-or-other, and being in New York, I wasn't sure if that was his first or last name.  It turns out, in the security world, you only use your last name.  Anyway, we went into another room and I sat down in a folding chair in the corner.  Mr. McSomething shoehorned himself behind the desk and we began talking.  He asked for my resume and I told him I did not have it, because I had sent it with my Craigslist response and figured he would have it.  He said,  "That's OK, we will conduct this interview based on your personality and demeanor."  I smiled inside, and let a little one escape and then said in my out-loud voice, "Then just go ahead and sign me up.  I got this."  He proceeded to ask me to tell me about myself.  I said, "The most important thing you should know is that I have been in the area for five years, and I still can't get enough.  I LOVE this City."  He asked about my availability (open) and my criminal background (nothing on the books since 2000) and then offered me a job.  Just like that.  Easily the quickest, easiest interview I've ever had.  (Stay tuned for the second-easiest interview ever.)

The details of the job were as follows:  I would take a three-day class in customer service, and begin the following week.  The class would cost $300 and the $80 I had with me was the deposit.  If I wanted to pay the $300 in full today, they would waive the deposit fee.  The job would be a position as a concierge/doorman/greeter in a high-end apartment building in NYC somewhere.  It would pay $15/hour and be Monday through Friday either 8a-4p, 9a-5p, or 10a-6p.  During the conversation, he also mentioned a "Level 2."  for an additional $150, I could take a fourth day of class, for training as a Fire Guard and that would increase my pay to $17/hour.  I said I would do four days of training and I could begin the next week, as I had guests coming into town this coming weekend.  He agreed, and I left.  A dream job, right?

I went back the following week to pay for the classes and schedule the Fire Guard training.  I went back the next day to take the FG training.  It was scheduled for two hours and we were handed a booklet which was then read to us...in less than 45 minutes.  We were instructed to go to Brooklyn with a letter we were given and take a test.  The place would be open from 8a-2p, and it was best to get there by 8:30 at the latest.  Oh...one more thing.  The test cost $25.  I asked McSomething if there were any other fees that I would need to pay, and he said, "No.  After you pay the $25 (at the location in Brooklyn), there is nothing else to pay....to us."  I also asked if this was a six-hour test.  He said no, that it shouldn't take that long.  I left the class and planned to take the test the following Monday.  Except that's when my three-day class began for customer service.  [See: Security Training.]

Please understand...when I was given the dates and times for the customer service class, I was given a date two weeks out, but was told I could go this week and see if someone didn't show up.  Then I would be a week ahead of schedule.  I met a friend for breakfast at the ungodly hour of 7am, then went to class.  There was no wait-and-see if someone didn't show up.  I was ushered into the room to fill out paperwork and wait for the instructor.  The-long-and-the-short of it is this:  I found myself in a three-day class required by the state of New York in order to apply for an unarmed security guard license.  It was interesting and I learned a lot.  For instance, What are the two most important floors to evacuate when a building is on fire?  (The floor the fire is on (duh) and the one above it.)  I would even call the class fun.  It was taught by a self-described Puerto Rican who did not believe in political correctness.

For good measure, I went  back to the office I interviewed in, and asked to speak to McSomething.  He came out and I asked one question.  "Am I going to be a security guard in this position?  Because I seem to be in a class for security, and not customer service."  "Oh no," he said, "in buildings of a certain size, New York requires the doormen and concierges to be licensed security, but you will not be a security guard.  The worst that may happen is a rich lady will yell at you."  Relieved, I left.  Just a comment about all these trips to the office.  McSomething gave me his phone number and told me to call him and keep him posted on my progress.  The first couple times I called, he didn't answer so I left a message.  Then his phone was off.  When I went in one day, I asked him about that, and he said he lost it over the weekend, and gave me a new number.  Relieved, I left.

I finished the class, and passed with flying colors.  (Mostly because all I had to do was show up.  There was no final exam.)  The next step?  Go to the fingerprinting place, pay $175 to be fingerprinted, then go to the New York State DMV and get a New York ID Card.  As I recall this cost $24 for a card that expires in eight years.  [See: A Day at the DMV.]  Finally, take all of this information to the State office building, and pay the $36 application fee.  Then wait.  In four to six weeks, I would receive a "unique ID number" and could then go straight to work.  One more time, I went back to McSomething and asked him if it would really take 4-6 weeks and he said, "Nah, it should be around a week.  Keep calling the state and see if they have the number."  I called 8 days later, and they told me they did not have a number and reiterated that it would be 4-6 weeks.  I called 11 days after I applied, and they said again that it could be 4-6 weeks, but she checked, and there it was!  I could begin work the following day!

Lets look at a list of dates now
September 30th-Lost job at Papyrus
October 4th-Interviewed and accepted new job, with the proviso that I would be ready to work within a week.
October 14,15,16-Security Class
October 29-All pre-requisites completed, ready to work
November 3-First day on the job.

At this point I was eating boxed macaroni and cheese.  OK, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but this working-in-a-week promise was long gone.  No matter, I was ready to go now.  I had my UID, my Fire Guard Certification, and my renewed New Jersey driver's license.  I went to the office, dressed in my suit and tie, ready to work.  I expected to be taken directly to the site and begin working, because that's what McSomething told me I would be doing.  I was fairly singing that morning.  The music playing in my ears helped that, but really, I was ready to work.  Into the building, up in the elevator, wait, wait, wait-the elevator might be the slowest in the City.  The doors open....I look out on a room holding at least 30 people.  I check my watch- I was early- before 7:30 am.  I went into the room, and asked for McSomething's director (as I was told to do) but was given a list of security companies.  I  stood, shocked for a minute.  I realized that "take you to the site" meant go apply for a job at another company.  I went back downstairs and was in the lobby, when a guy approached me and asked about my experience with this company.  As we were talking, the office manager came in and waited for the elevator.  I mentioned to her that McSomething was supposed to "take me to the site" and her immediate response was, "yeah,  there is no site."  I thought, "That would have been nice to know four weeks ago."

[End Part One...Please change the reel]