Life is Wonderful

There's so much to tell. I'll write until I'm tired of it though. First, and most importantly, I have been completely clean and sober for over a month. Here's what happened. If you back through here, you will see that I mentioned running into crystal meth last January. I also made an entry about quitting. Dana called me out on not quitting, and Greg and Bryan stood behind me. The truth is, I didn't quit for good until December 7, 2005. I apologize publicly to Dana for getting upset with her, and to Greg and Bryan for continuing the lie. It is somewhat fitting to write this now, as I picked up the meth pipe for the first time on MLK Jr. weekend one year ago.

I know people who have smoked meth and walked away from it. Those people (including myself) have found something deeply personal to motivate them. It usually is something that might be strange, but it's what works. One would think that the legal issues, or health issues would be enough of a deterrent. But they aren't. I know people who have gone to jail and still are on a mission to find meth whenever they can. I also have a friend who saw pictures of people who had smoked meth for a long time. She said "I don't want to look like that." She put down the pipe never to pick it up again. My own personal motivator was a new car. My old piece of shit died and I absolutely had to get a new car. I went from a paid off piece of shit to a beautiful '03 Chevy Malibu with a $270 car payment. Just like that I said, "I quit. I cannot lose this car." My point is, that when you're high on meth, it fucks up your thinking. On so many levels. One of those is that your motivation for quitting also gets fucked up. But if it works, hey, use it. Which leads me to part B of my story.

I am all about instant gratification. I told my friends in December when I quit that I wanted to see instant results, knowing that I probably wouldn't. I think that when someone decides to do the right thing, there should be a light from heaven and angels should sing. At the very least, you would know beyond a doubt that you made the right decision. Alas, that doesn't happen, so we have memories and reflection. My house is cleaner. I have met some wonderful people. And yes, even the financial benefits are immediate in retrospect. (Greg, when you read this, look that up.) :)

I went and saw Rent with a guy named Dustin. If you haven't seen it, GO! It's a fantastic movie. Dustin and I have hung out a couple times since then, and he is turning out to be a nice guy and a good friend. Tom is a little hottie that comes over occasionally for some fun. He is a nice guy and a good, well, we'll leave that for another entry. Most importantly of all is Chris. Read the beginning of this journal, and you will see Chris. To be clear, these are not the same person. Chris and I met on Yahoo! Messenger some time ago. Admitttedly, I was probably high so I don't know when we first started talking. This guy is 20 years old, and from what I can tell, has his shit together. We have talked every day for a week, and I can think of nothing better to pass the time than getting to know someone who is cute, and has a great head on his shoulders. The drawback, and there's always a drawback, is that he lives in Illinois. I've already looked it up and its a drive of 8 hours, 3 minutes. I have plans to make that drive just after Valentine's Day. I hope I can do it. If not, it WILL be when I get my tax return. Come on W-2's!

I'm going to stop for now, but I will write again soon. The theme for next time will be "It's not all Wine and Roses."