Vignettes From Work

I've been at Love Culture for almost a month and a half.  I feel I've settled in and become comfortable in my new position. Maybe too comfortable. Consider the following:

A lady and her daughter shopping for shoes. Our shoes are strapped together and sensored to prevent theft. Rather than ask for help and get the sensors removed, the girl put on the right shoe, dragging the left behind her as she walked. I looked at the mother and said, "Looks like she's practicing for that old ball and chain."  The mother laughed in agreement.

Four or five high school age boys came into the store and walked all the way to the back. I watched them because I figured at best they were just playing around.  At worst, trying to abscond with something. As I watched them, one began trying on some of the clothes. A green hoodie that could be unisex. Then a crop top. Then a t-shirt. Another of the boys was taking pictures of the first. I realized they were just playing around so I decided to handle it. They weren't hurting anyone or anything, but we don't straighten and clean and organize so people who have no intention of buying anything can come in and play.  There's a kid's play area in the mall for that. I went back to them and said, "Listen guys.  If you like to try on our wear women's clothes, well I don't judge.  Do your thing.  But if you're not going to buy anything, please make sure you put the clothes back neatly on the hangers the way you found them."  One of them started to snicker a bit and another said, "We are.  Look!"  I said, "Great!  Carry on, but please leave it neat."  They were gone within seconds. I was not upset.

Two girls and a guy were sitting on the shoe couch and one girl began slapping/pounding the other on the back. Loudly. The music in our store is loud and she was slapping her hard enough that I could hear it over the music. And it was annoying me. I said to one of the assistants that it was kind of odd that they were doing this. She wrinkled her nose and agreed. After several minutes, they came over to the counter to make a purchase.  I greeted them and then asked, "Is this an episode of 'What Would You Do?'"  It helped that she knew exactly what show I was talking about.  She said her sister has a gall bladder problem or esophageal spasms or something and that helps alleviate the problem.  I said it was fine (I really wasnt asking for a complete medical history) but now we know what I would do. "Absolutely nothing!" She replied.

One Saturday night, before Christmas, it was particularly busy.  I noticed a woman sitting on the shoe couch texting, and I decided to go mess with her.  I went over and threw myself down beside her and said, "Ma'am, when you're in the store, we ask that you shop.  If you want to sit and text, there are places in the mall for that."  She looked up, eyes wide, inhaling slowly.  I immediately said, "And I am COMPLETELY kidding with you.  Please, relax, text, enjoy.  In all seriousness, though, we do ask that you  buy three items."  She said she was waiting for her friend while she was shopping and trying on shoes.  I said, "OK, if your friend buys six items, you are off the hook."  She was still looking at me kind of lop-sided, and I said again, "I'm just kidding with you.  I saw you winding up to swing, and thought I should tell you quickly...before you knocked my block off."  She laughed and said I had caught her off guard, and she didn't know what was happening at first.  I told her again to relax and enjoy.

I found two boxes of old scarves, hats, gloves, socks, and ear muffs in a corner of the back room.  I scanned a couple of the items, and most were less than $3.00.  I decided to push them out, so I wouldn't have to count them at inventory time.  There's one particular hat that has become my nemesis.  I can't seem to sell it to anyone.  I can sell one earring to a woman with two ears, but I cannot get rid of this 99 cent hat.  The other day, I noticed a man in the store with a perfect line down the center of his head.  When he looked left, his hair was platinum blond.  To the right, it was midnight black.  Later, he and the girl he was with were at the counter and I leaned over and said, "Will you PLEASE buy this 99 cent hat?"  They laughed, looked at it and said no.  I said, "Someone messed up your head, you need this to cover that up!"  The cashier, the assistant manager, the two customers, and a customer in line behind them roared with laughter.  And they still didn't buy the hat.  

I have mentioned several times on Facebook, that I talked to someone from Columbus or Ohio in general because they were wearing an Ohio State shirt.  I've been berated for not yelling "O-H" when I see them.  I'm just too shy for that.  The other day at work a girl approached the counter wearing an OSU shirt, and I said, "Ohhhh....O-H!" just about as loud as I could.  She looked at me with a blank stare.  I told her that I am from Ohio and it's a thing we do.  Her response should be "I-O!"  She said, "My brother goes to school there.  I don't know anything about it."  I felt like an idiot for a minute, and confirmed to myself that this is why I don't do this kind of thing.  So, never again, my Columbus friends, will I be greeting someone like that!

At work one day, I told a lady the return policy as we are supposed to do when ringing up a customer.  She looked at me like she didn't understand, so I offered to tell her in Spanish.  She couldn't believe I spoke Spanish (because I'm White?  Where's the outrage?), but I did.  I explained the policy in Spanish and then said, in Spanish, "When I'm drunk, I'm completely fluent!"  About that time, Syndi, the store manager walked up to the register and the customer explained what had just happened.  When she walked away,  Syndi asked what I had told her.  She then told me that the customer told her I need to drink all the time.  That nameless lady is my new best friend!

All of these stories happened as stated and are 100% true.  So, you decide.  Too comfortable?  Would you come back to a store if someone like me harassed you this way?  I'm interested in your answer.  Posts can be made here, but the comments are moderated.  You may not see your comment right away, but post it anyway!