It's Not Worth It

Flipping thru channels tonight, I came across "Intervention." It's been four years since I've watched this show. I used to watch "Intervention" when I was smoking meth, and I clearly remember sitting there and thinking, "I'm not as bad as these guys. I would never shoot up. I would never hide in the attic to smoke it. I would never do this in my parents' house." I was right. I never did any of those things.

Watching these people again on this show gives me mixed feelings. I remember what I was doing, who I was with, and how I felt when I last watched this show. Those were some good times. But, I also remember the times when I was taken advantage of. The times I was trying to figure out how to get money for my next quarter-gram. The times when things weren't going the way I thought they should.

I think of rolling the pipe back and forth between my fingers. Watching the liquid inside solidify. Letting it cool, only to light it and inhale deeply. I can feel the rush immediately. I remember how it felt. But, it's not worth it.

The endless pursuit of the next hit. The complete non-productivity. The wasted money. And that's just my experience. Take it to the level I'm seeing on TV. People who steal the next fix from a drug dealer then literally have to run for their lives. People who shoot up in their neck because they cannot find a vein in their arm. It's not worth it.

The opportunities and experiences I've had over the last four years are experiences I would never have been able to have while smoking meth. I've moved to the greatest city in the world. I've been able to travel more (tho not nearly as much as I would like.) I've paddled down a river, made a day trip to Florida, and had countless other experiences. I love my life. Meth isn't worth it.