Well, well, well. What have we here? Nothing, I just wanted to say that. Let me see what has happened since last we talked. I quit at Wendy’s and went to another Fortune 500 company and have had orientation (the single most boring day of my life) and one day of training. I like the trainer and the class, but it’s going to be a long two weeks. On the personal side, Matt is out of the picture. Bryce says its over, and he’s through with Matt, but I think I’m going to take that with yet another grain of salt. I believe things really are different this time, but I just want to prove it to myself. He and I discussed moving in together yesterday. We looked at a really nice apartment, but to be honest, I’m not sure we’ll get in. My credit is horrible and that may prevent us from getting in there. If not, there are a hundred other apartments in that area. I hope that things work out for us, but a legitimate question is, if something should happen to our relationship, can we still live together? I hope the answer is yes, but I hope more that we never have to worry about that.

I ended up getting Tim three memory cards for his Playstation, a suggestion of Mom’s and a good one at that. It was good to see everyone last weekend, but things with Bryce were rocky and still are. I don’t know how much fight I have left in me. I had a great talk with Tamera last night and this morning. A lot of things were said which make sense to me, but are hard to act on. We talked a lot about Bryce and me, and then she made some comments about the situation. Later, I talked about why I was leaving Wendy’s and she said take the same things about your job and apply them to your relationships. Things like what do I need from this job/relationship that I am not getting now? What can this job/relationship do to keep me? What can I do to improve my feelings for this job/relationship? They are hard questions, but necessary. I look forward to the next time I talk to her to see if she can help me with some of these issues.

I am greatly looking forward to starting with Bank One on Wednesday. Bryce is not happy with the job right now, but I will not leave if he does. I will leave if it’s right for me. One good thing is that Brent Irvin, the DM, said I could come back if I want in the next few months. That is kind of a comfort to know. I just colored my hair. It came out red, very red. We’ll see what it looks like in a couple days.

It’s the fifth because it’s 5:00am. The world is sleeping except for me. I am so tired right now I cannot see straight, and yet I can’t sleep. Why? I suppose a combination of fear, anger, and frustration. Let me explain. I love Bryce so much it hurts. I feel I put myself through a lot for him and for naught sometimes. I was with him tonight when he started on a down mood so I grabbed laundry and left to do it. I didn’t get any quarters so I was unable to do it, so I called him to let him know that. He called me back shortly after that and said that Matt had come over. (Matt is my mortal enemy right now and I’m sure more will be written later, especially if this situation continues as it has been.) I came up as planned and he was still here so I left again to go do some more errands I needed to get done. When I got back Matt was still here so I waited in the living room until The Idiot left. After he left, Bryce was mad at my antics and I argued that I had left before when Matt came, so why shouldn’t he leave when I come in? Bryce doesn’t see that and that’s ok but I will still be upset with this for a while.

Bryce says he loves me and I believe him, but sometimes he proves he doesn’t love me enough to be exclusive to me. I don’t know if I should continue waiting and watching or move on. The thought of moving on scares me but I really need someone who can be with me, as I want to be with him, with no outside influences. I guess, like Bryce, I need to make some decisions and stick with them. The problem is only after a few months I love him like no one else I ever have and it would be too much like a divorce to let go now. Does all this make sense? I guess I feel like my options are these: (1) Stay with Bryce and tough this out. If I win, I win. If I lose, I lose. Or, (2) find someone else, possibly not as desirable (knowing that looks aren’t everything, but they do help) who is hung up on an ex. What’s wrong with the male population? You know I do have a friend who broke up with her boyfriend after 9 years. Now that takes courage, but there may be some inspiration there.

On a possibly lighter note I gave my notice at Wendy’s yesterday. I expect Bank One to be calling me later this week with a job offer. I hope they come through for me or I’ll be in trouble. I believe they will. My family is getting together this Saturday for “Christmas.” I’m kind of looking forward to it although I have no idea what to get Timothy. I got him a sweater last year and don’t want to repeat but it’s coming down to crunch time and I don’t know what to do.

Well, it’s the beginning of a New Year, decade, century, and millennium. I thought it would be kind of fun to keep a journal, but since I have problems with procrastination, and have yet to buy one, I thought I’d begin anyway by writing here. The story of my life in the year 2000 begins today. Let me start with my love life, which up to this point has really been up and down. I met Bryce in August of last year. I believe August 6 is the date we have agreed on. We officially began dating on September 9, and officially broke up a mere two weeks later. I would not let him go so easily and it’s been good and bad since then. Overall, I wouldn’t trade the last 5 months for anything in the world. I realize how much I love him and hope to be writing about him at this time next year, when the real millennium starts.

My job is kind of a pot of mixed emotions right now, so I’ll begin with the current situation. I work for Wendy’s International right now but I expect that to change within the next couple weeks. I was hired there as an assistant manager in April after being fired from Extended Stay America. Ask me about that in my first television interview. Bryce got a job with Bank One FirstUSA in the credit department. They pay well and the hours are cool so I applied there too. After passing a drug test next week I believe they will be offering me a position as well. I am not real happy with Wendy’s for a couple of reasons. Some they can help, some they cannot, and some I can do something about and choose not to.