A Battle with The B**ch

It's Martin Luther King Jr's birthday weekend and ten years ago this weekend, I asked to be and was introduced to crystal meth.  This was not the first drug I had ever tried, but I will speak to the statistic that says marijuana is a "gateway drug."  I've never been a fan of weed, and it was not that that encouraged me to try meth.  The purpose of this post is not to glamorize or show pride in a bad decision I made, but as a commemoration and perhaps explanation of a milestone anniversary of something in my life that makes me who I am now.

Since 1995, the internet and more specifically, internet chat played a big role in my life.  That led to many interesting encounters with tons of people over the years.  In the big picture, if I had stepped back and looked at the number of people who were willing to meet me and do God knows what, I would know that I was at least OK.  The fact is there were some people I wanted to meet or even just chat with who would not respond to my overtures.  That strengthened my resolve to chat with them, even bordering on creepy.

One night in January 2005, I was chatting with someone who was willing to teach me about (and sell me some) crystal meth.  Before that time, I had run into meth only once or twice.  I drove to meet this guy-he was at his friend's house, and in the basement, I did my first hit.  One of the main effects, I was told, was that it would make me incredibly horny.  Let's be honest here:  I'm a Scorpio.  I don't need any help with that.  But, he was right.  It did.  The problem was this was first time with kind of experience, and I am shy in person.  We went downstairs a couple more times, but mostly I sat in the friend's den with three other people who were just talking-a lot.

Almost immediately, I found a new kind of acceptance with those people I chatted with online.  I'm pretty smart (my father once said, "Relatively.") so I knew that if I had a baggie of shards, I could have friends.  The minute it was gone, my friends would be, too.  Sometimes, I had three or four guys over, and I felt great!  There are generally two reasons for smoking meth-the sex or the high.  Honestly, being high on meth feels great, but certain parts don't work.  The sex is generally a myth.  What I actually ended up with was a room full of naked guys doing almost nothing but looking at each other.  The high isn't all it's cracked up to be either.  Sure, it feels good, but you think you can do all kinds of amazingly productive things.  What ends up happening is a laser focus on one thing.  I knew people who would get high and then go to Walmart and go shopping for seven or eight hours.  They would leave with a pack of gum.  Others would clean and rearrange furniture, which was awesome, except when I would walk through the living room in the middle of the night with the lights off!

The main reason for doing meth was not the sex or the high.  No, it was acceptance.  On and off for 10 years, I have been accepted by people that I found attractive only because I had the Stuff.  Acceptance is a powerful, powerful thing.  I don't have any advice for how to get around that, but I can tell you that this particular method of acceptance takes a toll.  Financial, physical, emotional, spiritual, legal (though this is not part of my story, thank God)

There are people I met in the context of drug use who have become very good friends.  There are people who were friends before, and who supported me through this part of my story.  There were people who I met who were less than savory.  I am so thankful for the people who walked through it with me.

I felt like I had things under control, and in fact stopped using entirely for four years.  I stopped using when I moved to New Jersey in 2008.  I stopped because I wanted to.  I stopped because I was doing something new and exciting.  I stopped chatting online.  I stopped on my own.  That was not enough.  Quickly (relatively), I got into a new routine (ha! as much of a "routine" as one can have in New York City.)  I began chatting online and found within a very, very short time someone who said he had meth.  I took some money out of the bank, and went over to the City to meet this guy.  I arrived at the appointed corner, and he texted me and  said he was nervous because I look like a cop.  He moved the location.  And again.  It was very cloak and dagger all over midtown Manhattan.  Finally, he told me he had left the bag on a pay phone.  I went and picked it up.  When I got home, I discovered it was a large bag of...sugar.  At least I still had my cash!  Minutes after I got home, he messaged me online.  He said he had to give me something fake because he wasn't sure if I was legit.  He offered to meet me again, so I went.  This time we met, I gave him money, and he gave me....more sugar.  When I realized what had happened, I was upset that I lost some money, but glad I would not be able to use.

Later, I found someone who was a good dealer.  He even delivered...on time.  That opened a new chapter in my usage.  I really thought I had it under control this time.  I was convinced that I had it under control right up until the orange eviction sticker appeared on my door last June.  I went back to Ohio for two months to retreat, regroup, and charge again.  All wrapped up in that was another quit date.  I am using June 1, 2014 as the last time I used.  I don't know that for sure, but I do know it wasn't after that.  This time I have quit because I don't have any funds.  I have quit because I am doing something old and exciting.  I have quit because I am no longer chatting online (or on the phone.)  I have not quit on my own.  God did some amazing things over the summer, not the least of which was remove any and all desire for The B**ch.  I will be writing more about my amazing transformation later.

Reading through this, knowing the story of my life, and knowing the way addiction works, it may be easy to read this and think "He will relapse again."  The fact is, that's true.  But when I stopped before, it was on my own power.  This time I have the power of the Almighty God on my side.  I have faith that He will take care of this.

Note: Some may think this subject is not an appropriate topic to write about-that it may be salacious and indiscreet.  This is why it has taken me some days to write.  I have tried to convey an issue that many can relate to and explain why it was attractive to me, but NOT glamorize it or turn it into a side show.  (An entire book could be written about my hook-ups and experiences.)  This is, after all, one of the myriad experiences that make me me.

My Life Undercover

In August 2008, I moved to Jersey City, NJ with no job, no money, and no place to live.  It was not my idea, but a challenge I accepted nonetheless.  I shared a studio apartment with my sister, with the understanding that I would find a job first, and then a place to live.  She was helpful when it came to ideas for places to apply for work, and in the interim, suggested I should look into secret shopping.  I only had one experience with secret shopping before moving to NJ- lunch with her in Columbus, that was simply reimbursed.

I began looking into secret shopping and found that it could be interesting.  I started off slowly, first a Papa John's shop.  At the beginning of the month, they wanted the pizza to be delivered, and the shop generally reimbursed the cost of the pizza and paid a small commission, usually $6.  As the month progressed, the commission would go up.  Even later in the month, they removed the requirement for delivery.  That meant that I could sign up for a shop in Harlem or Queens and be paid a commission of as much as $20.  My part of the shop was to call the store, order a pizza, and pay attention to customer service issues.  How long did it take to answer the phone?  Did they offer an upsell? Did they thank me for my order?  Then, I would arrive, pick up the pizza, and return home.  The company wanted very specific pictures of the pizza, including photos of the crust after it had been cut.  Free (reimbursed) pizza, some extra money, and a tour of an area of New York to which I would normally never go.  Not a horrible deal.

Since the summer of 2008, I have done secret shopping on and off.  There have been audits at Bed Bath & Beyond, Chase Bank, T-Mobile, McDonald's, Five Guys, and many, many more.  Somehow, I have signed up with probably 25 different companies in the last six years.  Each of these companies email me each time they have a new round of shops, or if they are coming up on a deadline.  This gives me hundreds of opportunities to accept shops, but it also makes for a lot of unread emails.

Some of these companies do more than secret shopping.  There are store audits (going to a store and looking for and documenting a certain product), merchandising (going to a store and setting up a product display), movie theatre checks (watching trailers before a movie to verify the correct trailers are showing, setting up movie displays, checking the number of patrons vs. tickets sold), and several other types of work.

Most companies pay with Paypal or by direct deposit to my American Express Serve Prepaid Card.  I don't have a traditional checking account, so I use American Express.  If you wanted the payments deposited to your checking account, they would do that.  If you don't, you can sign up with American Express or Greendot or another prepaid debit card.  Just make sure they accept direct deposit payments.  Some companies send a paper check, but those are few indeed.  They pay as an independent contractor, so it is my responsibility to report my income.  Theoretically, I would report every penny from every company I have worked for this year, but they generally only send a 1099 if they paid over $600.  Payment can sometimes take up to 45 days, but most companies pay every two weeks or so.

I have received $1200 in a year from a single company, and in November and December of 2014, I made $300 secret shopping.  Is it something you could do for a living?  Possibly-if you were very disciplined and did several shops every day.  Some shops have no purchase requirement and pay $15 or more, and some will reimburse for the food or small purchase you have to make, and pay a commission of $4 or $5.  Some shops pay more, some less, but even $200/month is helpful.  

I am writing this more informational and less anecdotal entry because several people have asked me about my experience or how to become a mystery shopper.  Here are a few tips:
     1.  Most importantly- NEVER pay to become a mystery shopper.
     2.  DO NOT EVER pay to sign up with a mystery shopping company.
     3.  Sometimes emails will pop up offering a shop opportunity if you send certain information.  There is no need to respond to those.  They could be phishing, and there are plenty of other jobs in the sea.
     4.  Some shops require a purchase.  The purchase will be reimbursed, and most of the time, there will be an additional payment.  This is not what I'm talking about when I say not to pay to sign up with a company.
     5.  If any company you sign up with asks for a referral, you can use my name.

There are several ways to find companies to sign up with.  Google is the most obvious way to find them, but is also the one with which you will want to use the most caution. These are some of the sites I use most often.  As you will notice after just a couple of clicks, some of these sites will take you to other mystery shopping company sites.  There are a ton:
www.mysteryshop.org   Scroll down to "become a shopper" and sign up with them.
www.prestomap.com   This site shows a map with available shops around you.  You must then sign up with the respective company.  Each of these companies use a fairly easy form to register.
www.marketforce.com  This is where the theatre checks are located.  Specifically, they can be found at www.certifiedfieldassociates.com  They also work with other companies, but cinemas seem to be the bulk of their offerings.
www2.mysteryshops.com  This was the very first company I ever signed up with. They pay quickly-usually within a week.  This is NOT the norm, but it is appreciated.

There are other companies that offer mystery shops and audits, but the sites listed will get you started. 

If you decide you want to become a mystery shopper and have any questions before or after signing up,  please comment or email me.  I'd love to help you!

On Adding to My Bucket List

Happy New Year to one and all!  Last year, around this time, I made a New Year's Resolution to write more.  Like most resolutions it lasted at most, two months.  Well, it is again, time to make a resolution.  I think I will stick with a winner.  My goal is to write weekly.  Hopefully, there is enough going on to fill a few pages.

Since the 2007 movie starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, it seems that a Bucket List has become something on everyone's mind.  I have a few things on my list, but now I have one more.  And it has been completed.  My friend of fifteen(!) years, Drew, his partner, Jonathan, and daughter Whitney have spent the last three weeks in a cross-country crusade that ended in New York City.  I haven't seen him for several years, so if he had asked me to carry him around Manhattan piggyback, I would have.  As it turns out, we did something far worse.  New Year's Eve in Times Square.  I have been here for six years now, and have successfully avoided the carnage that is Times Square.  Until last night.  Earlier in the month, when discussing what they wanted to do while they were here, this idea came up.  I thought it was a joke, but just to be sure, pounded a couple nails in the coffin by reminding him that this event was not for the faint of heart-a group of people to which I belong.

I met up with them around 3 PM, and he had done his research.  He had a list of entry points to Times Square; all I had to do was get us there.  We started at 49th St and Eighth Ave, but that entrance was already closed.  We then moved up to 52nd Street.  There was a group of people waiting to enter, but it seemed at first, that no one was getting in there either.  Eventually though, they began letting people into the pen one at a time.  Each person was frisked and wanded and we were all warned that no backpacks were allowed in.  The number of people who must have simply forgot they had a backpack with  them was astounding.  They were herded out immediately.  One man was being obstinate, and was escorted not through the "backpack exit," but instead to the other side of the pen and over the fence!  They told him to go and have a good evening.  His friends were left standing, wondering where he went.

All four of us made it through the first gate without incident.  I was a little bit concerned that my bag might be too big to enter, but there are almost 50,000 police officers, and that means almost 50,000 opinions on what is too big to enter.  We went through the first pen, and passed on to the second.  It was a bit of a disappointment, because after beginning our trek at 3:00, and getting in by 5, we were positioned just behind a large billboard that prevented us from seeing the ball.  But, in short order, the pen was opened and we filtered down Broadway, but first, a second search.  This time, I was stopped for my bag, but after opening it and showing it to the officer, he granted passage.  It was a good thing, too, because Drew, Jonathan, and Whitney were already moving into the next holding area.  This one filled up quickly and it was tight.  And cold.  I don't care what anyone says, one million people do not raise the temperature a bit.  Drew mentioned to me that he thought they raised the ball at 6 PM, but was not sure.  Interestingly, someone in front of us said, "Someone said they raise the ball at 6!"  I let Drew know that he should be careful what he says, as this is how rumors get started, and then riots.

At ten seconds until 6, a countdown began on the video screens, and at 6:00, the ball began to rise!  They also took that opportunity to let us know that there were Six Hours To Go!  That's not nearly as comforting as you might first think.  Drew and Jonathan went to the side to sit down.  We had noticed that most of the area behind us, yet still in the pen, was empty.  There was room to go, stretch out, do something away from the throng.  And there was pizza.  I first noticed the Domino's guy as Drew and Jonathan were walking away, but because I told Whitney I would stay with her, I didn't leave my post.

When Drew and Jonathan returned, I stepped away to smoke, and the pizza guy was still there.  I asked if he had a pizza and how much it was.  He said $20.  TWENTY DOLLARS!!!  I waited for the punchline.  There was none.  I quickly did some calculating.  I had $20 in my pocket, and still had six hours to go.  This may be my only chance to eat something until after midnight.  I jumped at the chance, and bought a cold cheese pizza.  I took it back over to the clan and no one else wanted any, nor would they later.  Lactose intolerance creates restroom issues, and the only way to use one was to leave the area.  If we left, we were not getting back in.  It was also for this reason, that I drank nothing while eating my two slices of pizza.  I then had a dilemma:  I was holding the most expensive pizza ever purchased, and could not eat any more.  About that time, a girl turned around and asked if I left to get the pizza, and I explained that I had not, but I was done with this one and she could have it if she wanted it.  She looked at me as if I was crazy, and declined.  I saw her talking to her friend and they turned toward the fence.  I caught them and told her it was a $20 pizza, and I really didn't want to throw it away, but that I didn't want to eat any more, and would she please take it.  She asked if I was sure, and then accepted.  Good deed for 2015.  Check.

At one point, Drew asked how I was handling the cold.  Aside from the fact that they are from California, so I already had a leg up on them, I explained it was mental.  I was merely thinking about how hot it was in June, and how much I missed June, and how long it would be until June got here.  Then I thought about how six hours was so much shorter than June, and I could do this!  Drew asked if we were gonna die on Broadway at 50th St, and I assured him we probably would not.  We watched the temperature drop from 32 to 28 degrees while we waited for midnight.  It was brutal.

From 6:00, there were periodic shows.  A Chinese dance, a Moet toast or two, a proposal (she said yes, despite my deepest wishes he would be humiliated in front of one million of his closest friends), a "judgement free" cheer courtesy of Planet Fitness, and several stars stopping by to read New Year's wishes written on the confetti that rains down on Times Square at midnight were some of the parts of the program.  Incidentally, on my way to work this morning, confetti still littered some streets, and I noticed writing on some.  I did not stop to read any, though the thought crossed my mind.

At three hours to go, the end became attainable.  At two hours, I was 98% certain we would see the ball drop.  At 11 pm, with minutes to go, the crowd began to come alive.  The holding pen tightened up, and people began to move a bit.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, two thugish guys appeared near us, and began yelling.  They chanted for a while, "Change the year!  Don't let the year change you!"  I'm not sure what it meant, and it didn't take long for the chant to die down.  One said, "I don't care if you're uncomfortable!  I'm gonna do what I have to do!"  He was speaking to no one in particular, but I felt as if he were speaking to me, because I was uncomfortable.  Drew mentioned that he was most concerned about Whitney, so Drew, Jonathan, and I sort of formed a triangle around her, and as the thugs moved forward, we moved around her to keep a space between her and them.  They got closer to the fence, and asked a police officer to take their picture.  It just felt like a TV show where you know something would happen because someone wasn't paying attention.  But I was watching this happen right in front of me.  After the officer snapped the picture, they saw something over there that they wanted to check out, so they went.  And people made way.  And that was the last we saw them.

Just as our friends left our immediate area, Taylor Swift took the stage, followed by O.A.R.  When they started singing John Lennon's "Imagine" at 11:57, elation overtook me.  Never have I been ready for a new year to arrive than this year.  Not for any bad thing that happened in 2014 or any good thing hoped for in 2015, but because standing in one area for seven hours in 27 degree temperatures with no restroom made me long for the new year so I could leave!

Going to Times Square for New Year's Eve has never been something I wanted to do.  I have never put it on my bucket list.  I was content with visiting Times Square any other day or night of the year. Last night, it was added to my bucket list and checked off. I was presented with the opportunity to do New Year's Eve with an old friend and I sure wasn't going to pass that up.  I am VERY glad I got to do the ball drop, and do it the plebeian way.  No parties, no reservations, no special treatment of any kind.  It was fun-so much fun I hope never to match it in the future.  However, if you want to come to New York and go to Times Square for New Year's Eve, I would go, too, I suppose.  Who gets to mark the same thing off their bucket list twice, but only the lucky few?